Secret Let Loose
by LionshadeSC
Summary: beckett's emotional barriers are crashed open and she tells Castle something she should have told him earlier. set a year after the shooting.


"Castle?"

"Hm? Yes?" The best selling writer looked up from his book for a moment before flickering his eyes back to the pages.

Detective Kate Beckett stood in front of her partner, biting the bottom of her lip gently. She was nervous. Scared. Her palms were sweaty and it felt like there was a huge weight on her chest, trying to keep her from talking. One half of her wanted to just say that nothing was going on and just leave, but the other half was being tortured after being forced to lie to Castle for so long.

It had been almost a whole year since the shooting that had nearly killed Kate and had terminated her relationship with Josh. Beckett and Castle had remained faithful partners since then, all the while him being patient and kind. He never asked her again about what she remembered from the shooting. He never told her what he had said that day, never trying to force her in to a relationship by something said that she could no longer remember.

_He's waited all this time. He hasn't said anything or even thought about trying to make me be with him. _Beckett could remember those times she'd catch him watching her, a sad and longing look in those crystal blue eyes. And every time she would look at him in question, he would look away hurriedly without saying anything. Kate's heart would twist and beat like a hummingbird and she too would look away in fear.

Kate Beckett, scared. Of her emotions no less. _Emotions. _

And even though Kate would never admit this to herself or anyone else, she was terrified how Castle would react if he ever found out about her lying to him for so long.

"Castle," she said again, a hint of urgency in her voice. "Castle."

He didn't show much interest and just flipped another page of his book. "Yeah?" he said nonchalantly.

She frowned. "Castle this is serious. I," she swallowed, "I need to tell you something."

At this he stopped and put his book down on to his lap, the pages still sprawled out over his legs. He widened his eyes. "You finally realized your dream of becoming a professional ballerina?"

Beckett frowned, "Uh, no."

"You discovered an ancient civilization and that it can bring us riches beyond our wildest dreams?" He gasped again with a face of disbelief, "And you decided to _share _with me?"

"Castle, no." She was getting irritated. Her frown deepened.

He did a fake gasp with a smile on his face, "You decided to go abroad to study the effects that sheep have on flamingos?" He raised an eyebrow teasingly with a devious smile on his face.

"Rick I'm serious!" she snapped.

At this he snapped his mouth shut and just looked up at her silently. _Oh. _He looked up at her, tapping in to his writer's intuition. He took in the nervous biting of the lip, the drumming of the fingers on the desk, and the lack of eye contact. All of the smallest details he noticed about her clicked and he came to a few simple conclusions.

She was nervous, maybe even scared.

He might have gotten her a little too irritated.

She was serious.

Dead serious. He had never seen her like this before. It made _him _scared.

Whenever the pair used each other's first names on each other, it was like a secret way of letting the other know that they were totally and completely serious, that this wasn't a time for jokes or wise cracks. It meant that one person wanted the other person's full and complete attention. Castle was all ears now, and he felt his eyes furrow in thought and concern. Beckett still wasn't looking at him. Instead she looked down nervously at her fingers, still gently tapping the desk with her nails.

The time was 11:30. It had been a rather boring week at the NYPD precinct, and everyone left for home rather early, leaving Castle and Beckett to practically keep the entire building to themselves for the night. Beckett decided to stay and finish up some paperwork. Castle had supplied the Chinese take-out, refusing in his mind to not leave until Beckett decided to leave too. He couldn't just abandon her here in this empty building. It tended to be creepy if you were alone.

The remains of the Chinese food had been pushed to the side. Beckett stood over Castle, still not looking at him. After a few tense moments of silence, Castle stood up from his chair to get to her eye-level. They were actually almost the same height with Beckett's high heels. "Kate?" he asked after another second. His tone was cautious but filled with concern. Beckett didn't tilt her head up. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Her chest felt too tight.

Castle kept silent, taking note of the hot electrical atmosphere that hung around them. This moment was to be a moment of silence. It was obvious that what Beckett wanted to tell him was big for her, and hard to say. So he would be with her every step of the way to help her, no matter what it was. The seconds stretched on and Castle cleared his throat gently, reaching a careful hand forward to brush some of her bangs back behind her ear, but they just fell back down in to place over his hand. "Kate?" he asked again, his voice quiet.

Beckett finally allowed herself to look up. She licked her dry lips and swallowed, staring straight in to his eyes. Those deep and beautiful eyes. So blue, like the sky. When had she began to think of his eyes as beautiful? When had she begun to feel this tugging at her heart that she couldn't stop feeling?

When? 

"Kate," Castle said again, more stern, but in some ways, even more gentle. "What is it? What's going on?" He felt his heart beating quite fast now, beating with worry really. He was starting to see tears water in her eyes. What was going on with her? Had something happened?

Emotion kept springing up and threatening to hurt her. She looked in to his eyes, not moving hers from his, as if she did then the entire world would crumble apart. Her world. His world.

Their world.

His hand gently rubbed the back of her head. "Hm?" he said gently.

Her eyes flashed in pain and she tilted her head up, touching her lips to his. Her eyes closed in an instant bliss and relief as she felt her entire insides seem to melt. Freedom. That's what she felt right now. Complete and utter freedom.

Castle didn't move for a moment, shocked that she had made the first move. What was she doing? Was she. . . Did she . . .

What should he do?

When her lips kissed him back, he knew she wanted this. His muscles loosened, relaxing, and he moved his other hand to her back, gently pulling her closer. He responded to her eagerly, closing his eyes in pure ecstasy. Oh God. He wanted this. He so wanted this. All that waiting. This was so worth it. Oh God this was worth it.

"C-Castle. Castle," Beckett breathed, urging him away gently. She looked up to him and breathed out shakily, "I, I remember." His eyes widened. "Everything," she said firmly.

His hands seemed to fly to her neck, holding her and pushing her even closer to him. "You, you do?" he whispered. She nodded. "F-For how long?"

"Ever since I woke up," she whispers. She looks down as a few more tears creep down her face. "The moment I was awake after the shooting." Castle looked at her silently, eyes wary and loving. Beckett went on, "That was the thing that woke me up. That's what made me open my eyes." She looked back to him. "You. I kept hearing you over and over again in my head, telling me that . . . that you loved me." Castle swallowed almost nervously. She smiled gently at him and reached up to gently trail her hand through his hair. She bit the bottom of her lip again, a touch of a smile on her face. "Remember that one girl who said that I would be saved by a man named Alexander?"

"Yeah."

"She was right." Beckett smiled fully and Castle smiled back at her, his face crinkling up with eyes sparkling in happiness. He brought his hands back to her face and finally kissed her passionately. It was several moments before their lips broke in an excited gasp and instantly moved back. He forced her mouth open as he breathed in to her. She pressed her lips to his harder, accepting him fully. Castle's hand around her neck reached up as he lost himself in her hair. The couple twirled gently as he pushed her to the wall behind them, Beckett wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

Their lips seemed to slow and soon their breathing was again even. Beckett placed her head on his shoulder with her arms wrapped around him. She slowly started to sway back and forth and Castle's hands drifted to her waist, understanding instantly. Their waists moved in beat together and Castle reached back a hand to flick on the radio, which was conveniently turned on to the classical station. Beckett sighed softly and Castle reached for one of her hands, stretching it out so they stood in the social dance position. (haha. I remember the dance unit verbage! :D)

He pressed his face in to her hair and breathed out slowly, closing his eyes again in content. The music went on and Beckett let out a giggle when Castle gently twirled her before bringing her back in to his embrace. They smiled up at each other and she reached up to kiss him again fleetingly. Castle sighed blissfully and rested his forehead on hers. The couple for several moments just stared up in each other's eyes. Castle readjusted his hand so he held on to the tips of her fingers, bringing it to his mouth and pressing his lips to it slowly. Beckett flushed and Castle looked up at her, humor flickering in his gaze. Beckett held his other hand and she gave an inward smile and closed her eyes for a moment when Castle kissed her head. "I love you." He let loose the smile he had been forced to keep back for so long. "I love you Kate."

Beckett looked up to him, her own smile on her face. Her cheeks were slightly pink, and she responded quietly, "I love you too Rick."

The couple kept their fingers intertwined when Castle finally broke the silence, "I should probably be going home soon."

"Me too," Beckett said. She yawned. "I don't think Iron Gates would like me being late for work tomorrow."

"Of course," Castle responded. He held up his car keys. "Can I drive?"

"Mmm, just this once," Beckett smiled at him, a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

The couple linked arms and walked to the elevator. Castle pressed the button with his thumb and they waited silently for the elevator to come down to them. Beckett leaned in to him and finally spoke in a quiet and thankful voice. "Castle?"

"Yes?" he asked, keeping his eyes forward.

"Thank you for staying with me so long, and helping me out here and there. And with my mom's case and all that."

She looked up to him. "It really means a lot to me. Thanks."

His smile was blinding. He looked at her, eyes gleaming like a million stars. His face crinkled up in that familiar way that Beckett had quickly come to love. He reached up a hand and twirled a strand of hair between his fingers, keeping her eyes locked on his.

"Always."


End file.
